Work related avoidance.

I need to write 2000 words on representations of masculinity (and other such bollocks) in poker magazines for my dissertation tonight. It was meant to be done about two weeks ago maybe. Two months ago perhaps. Yeah, that's it. I was supposed to do that over Christmas. But before I get to work on that I need to get in the mood.

That's why I've logged on to a $3.25 multi table tournament. Before that I had a smoke. I really hope I go deep otherwise work is either gonna be no fun, or not done. And that's the worst thing. I could in theory put it off til tomorrow. I just need it out of my head. I'm sick of having stuff stuck in my brain, my brain refusing to allow myself to get my arse in gear and put it down on the screen. I must be masochistic or something, because I feel like shit, head fucked and I can't seem to get myself off it.

So either way: I end up cashing in the tournament and decide to celebrate or I don't and get seriously pissed off, don't do any work and go and get drunk.

Tournament update: Well I just hit a few hands and got up to around $14,000 by pushing and calling all ins with pretty good cards. Then, because I wasn't paying attention (writing this bloody page) I called an all in with K-J without checking to see how much it was. It was half my stack. He had and A-Q which held up and now I've got to start again. Luckily, whilst writing this and not playing so distractedly (I invented that word), I've managed to sneak back up to $10k.

Well the good news is I'm celebrating. The bubble burst with me sat comfortably against it's moist warm insides. How much I win is another matter. Someone just took down a monster and now has three times my stack, and I'm lying in third out of eight!

Wow, that was stupid. I get A-Q in the small blind, folds to the button who calls, I raise 4 BB, big folds and dealer calls. The flop comes down K-9-7, completely missing, I push which is for over half the pot. Dealer takes his time and calls with K-10. No Ace on the turn or river and I've just cocked up a good chance for a better cash. Fuck putting off work for drinking, I'm having another game.

I was stood outside Tesco, around the side and out of the wind; finishing off a smoke and generally looking suspicious when a thought struck my mind. This is a mildly amusing use of my Monday afternoon, I wish I had some kind of epiphany or thought more profound than the current situation I've found myself in.

I stood awaiting some sort of premonition, but I'd just finished smoking and it was cold. Sod it, I need food, I thought.

Now I'm lying in bed in front of my computer, without the thought I was expecting.

Ah fuck it, I'll finish off the bag.